Hidden Pain
by Rebecca Cage
Summary: Jonas has been holding raw emotions inside ever since that small town mission with Sam and Teal'c. What happens when it all boils over one day at a team gathering at Jack's house? Will things ever mend themselves? My take on the end of Nightwalkers. R&R!
1. Rough Aftermath

Hidden Pain

Disclaimer: Even though I wish I did, I do not own Stargate or related characters, paraphernalia, etc. If I did, I would have elaborated a little on the side story in Nemesis. They are owned by MGM, et al. So don't try to sue me or you'll be quickly sent to a Goa'uld occupied world with no GDO to get back home. Be warned!!

Chapter 1: Rough Aftermath 

It had been four days since three of the members of SG 1 had gone on a reconnaissance mission to a small town in Oregon where they had to take down a town full of people taken over by Goa'uld clones and stop them from constructing some sort of new ship. If only that had been the only trouble that they had faced. It had, in truth, only been the beginning. After returning to the SGC from Oregon, Colonel Jack O'Neill had been captured by the Goa'uld Baal and held prisoner and tortured. It had been up to Sam, Teal'c, and Jonas Quinn to find a way to rescue O'Neill with a little help from their allies. Now everyone was home safe, Jack had recovered, and SG-1 was now sitting in the briefing room with General Hammond, wrapping up debriefing on the longest week of their lives.

"I believe that about sums everything up. Okay people, that's it for today. In fact, I've placed SG-1 on stand down until Monday. You have the next three days to relax. I think you all need it. I'm ordering all four of you to take it easy. Dismissed." Hammond declared as Sam sat back down after finishing briefing them on her part.

"Yes, sir. Thank you, General." Jack smiled as his team followed him out of the room. "Well, team, I suggest that we do some group bonding. Why don't the three of you stay the night at my place tonight? I have a big house with a lot of extra room so I can accommodate all of you. We can order in a pizza and have some beer and then maybe watch some movies and relax. It'll be like a little party. So what do you say? You guys in?"

"Yes, sir. I'm in. I think that's a great idea. We need to just spend some time together, especially after the week we've had." Sam smiled.

"I concur with Major Carter. I, too, shall accept your invitation, O'Neill." Teal'c assented with a nod of his head. They all then looked to Jonas, who appeared to be lost in thought.

"Jonas!"

"Huh? Sorry, I guess I spaced out for a minute. What were we talking about?"

"I invited everyone over to my house for a little sleepover of sorts. Carter and Teal'c have already agreed to come over. How about you? Are you in?" Jack repeated.

"Oh, yeah. That sounds great. Count me in, too." Jonas said distantly. Sam looked at her friend, a little concerned about his inverted behavior, but didn't really think anything of it at the time, figuring the young Kelownan was just fatigued.

An hour later, they were all sitting around in Jack's living room with some drinks and had just finished ordering a couple of pizzas. It didn't take them long to realize how good it felt to not have anything to worry about and to have a chance to actually completely relax.

"Now, this is the life, isn't it? Nothing but beer for us, water for Teal'c, pizza on the way, a television, movies, and time to just be ourselves. By that I mean that for the next three days we aren't SG-1. We're all individuals who are getting a well deserved break."

"I think you're right, sir. I can't remember the last time we had more than a day for downtime. It'll be nice. It was good of you to invite us over tonight. It's going to be fun." Sam said, grinning as the doorbell rang signaling the arrival of their dinner.

"Hang on, campers. I need to go answer that." Jack announced as he got up off of the couch and went to answer the door. A few moments later, the group was sitting in the living room with two steaming hot pizzas on the table between them. "Dig in, guys. I'll go get the beer out of the fridge and be right back."

"What's this?" Jonas asked as Jack handed a bottle of beer to him.

"It's beer, Jonas. Alcohol. Trust me, it's good."

"Hey, you're right. Very interesting."

After they had eaten every last slice of the pizza, Jack pulled out his large DVD collection so they could decide on a movie that they wanted to watch. Once the movie started, the four settled in and made themselves comfortable. Sam was sitting on the couch beside Teal'c, Jonas was lounging in a large, cushiony chair and Jack was sprawled on the floor in the middle of the room with his hands clasped behind his head. They were growing more concerned about Jonas because he was unusually quiet and this wasn't normal for him and it wasn't in his character at all to be so inverted.

It was about 10:00 that evening when the movie finally ended. It had been a very interesting science fiction flick that three of them had never seen before. Jack was dozing on the floor because he'd seen that particular movie at least 20 times before.

"Colonel. Sir, wake up. The movie's over." Sam called softly, tossing a small bit of pizza crust across the room to hit Jack on the head, causing Jonas to bust into laughter. It was then that she noticed that their Kelownan friend had consumed half a dozen beers in less than two hours.

"Huh? What's up? I guess I must have fallen asleep. Sorry." Jack yawned.

"We have had a long and tiring week, O'Neill. You have no need to apologize." Teal'c commented quietly.

"Teal'c right, sir. After all we've been through over the past week, I'm surprised we didn't all fall asleep."

"I guess you're right. It's just that I feel like a bad host to invite you guys over and then fall asleep in the floor. A little off subject here, but what's wrong with Jonas? He sounds like a laughing hyena over there for crying out loud."

"Well, I'm not really sure what's wrong with him. All I do know is that he's been unusually quiet and inverted tonight and he's downed a half dozen beers in not even two hours. I'm getting a little worried." Sam explained as O'Neill nodded wordlessly.

"Hey! I'm a part of this thing too, so you don't have to talk about me as if I wasn't here. I'm going to get some sleep so you can say whatever you want about me and not worry about being heard." Jonas exclaimed, hurt and a little angry, getting up and heading out of the room.

"Jonas, wait!" Sam called out but it was too late, Jonas was already out of earshot.


	2. Emotional Breakdown and Needed Comfort

Chapter 2: Emotional Breakdown and Needed Comfort

"Okay. Anyone care to tell me what the hell that was about?" Jack said, clearly confused by the outburst from their normally passive comrade.

"I am as perplexed as you, O'Neill. It is clear that Jonas Quinn is very distressed, although I am unsure as to the reason for this." Teal'c offered.

The three remaining team members pondered in silence for a time, trying to figure out what on Earth had just taken place and why. Suddenly, the answer to that unanimous question hit Sam square in the face like a club, and she turned white as a sheet.

"Oh, God."

"Carter? Something wrong?" Jack asked, resting a hand on Sam's back.

"Colonel, this is all my fault. The reason Jonas is so quiet and why he purged himself on alcohol is because of something that I said the other day. I was just trying to fool the Goa'uld but still I shouldn't have said something so hurtful. God, how could I be so stupid and heartless?" Sam whispered shakily, putting her head in her hands.

"I do not believe that this situation is your fault, Major Carter. You should not blame yourself."

"Yeah, Teal'c's right. You're not responsible for this, Carter. I think we should all get a good night's sleep and we'll deal with whatever is bugging Jonas in the morning. Carter, you're going to be bunking in the other guestroom upstairs. Teal'c, you can use my room."

"That will not be necessary, O'Neill. I can perform my Kelnoreem here in the living room and guard your home. Though your offer is much appreciated."

"Okay, if you're sure. Well, I guess I'm going to turn in now. See you all in the morning." Jack said, watching as Teal'c settled into a state of Kelnoreem on the couch and Sam headed up the stairs to the guestroom, and then retired to his own bedroom for the night.

As Sam was walking down the hall to the bedroom where she was going to be staying and on her way she passed by the first guestroom where Jonas was, she heard soft sounds coming from behind the door which struck her as odd because she had thought he was sleeping. Slowing to a halt, Sam gently knocked on the door.

"Yeah. Come in." Jonas called softly, his voice trembling as he spoke. He looked up sadly when Sam opened the door.

"Jonas? Are you okay? I know you're upset. Why don't you talk to me about whatever's bothering you."

"I've been deluding myself for the past three months, that's all. I don't deserve anything that I have right now. Even though I know you didn't mean what you said the other day, it did make me realize the truth. I committed a horrible act of cowardice and it cost you the life of one of your friends, one of your family, and yet you take me into your lives, make me part of your team, grant me refuge on your world, give me a home. Most times I'm really grateful to have all of these things especially knowing how much I don't deserve any of it but there are other times, Sam, when I think I'd be more suited going back to Kelowna and being executed for treason."

"Oh, God, Jonas please don't think like that. You've never been more wrong than with what you just said. You deserve to have a home among us. We care about you, Jonas, and it kills me to see you hurting like this. Another thing you have got to remember is that you aren't a coward." Sam said, her heart breaking as she saw the pain in her friend's eyes.

"I don't understand how you can say that, Sam. The only reason I have a place here on Earth and a position on SG-1 is because Dr. Jackson is dead and he died because I was too afraid to do what I should have done. You should all hate me now, not take me in as your friend." Jonas questioned, a single tear sliding down his cheek, and he turned away from Sam.

As soon as she noticed his lapse of emotional control, Sam sat on the bed next to Jonas and pulled him into a tight hug, hoping that a friendly embrace might bring him some comfort. Sam continued to hold him tightly as Jonas finally gave in to the emotional turmoil that had haunted him for the past several weeks, allowing himself to finally completely break down and cry.

"It's okay. I'm right here with you. I can tell you one thing for a fact. We don't hate you, Jonas. Not at all, and we never will. I can't believe it never occurred to me that you might have been affected by everything that happened after you came here. You haven't even had a chance to properly grieve for the friends that you lost on Kelowna that day. Shh, just let it out. You need a chance to mourn what you've lost as we already have. You're not alone and you shouldn't have to go through this by yourself. Let your friends comfort you, let us be here for you." Sam whispered soothingly, wishing she had noticed the issue sooner before it came to this.

For the longest time, Sam held Jonas against her, rocking him gently as he wept on her shoulder, tears soaking into her t-shirt. She continued to whisper soft comforting words to her friend while she felt him shaking as he cried silently in her arms until he simply had no tears left to shed. At this point, he sat up and looked at her with appreciation.

"I appreciate you being here for me, Sam. I've had that welling up inside of me for a while and I guess it just finally needed to come out."

"It's okay. I'm just glad you feel better. I'll just go now and let you get some sleep."

"Actually, Sam, I was wondering if you could do me one more small favor. Could you stay with me for a little while and keep me company. I just don't want to be alone quite yet." Jonas asked.

"Sure. I'd be glad to. But I'll only stay if you at least try to get some rest." Sam agreed as Jonas nodded tiredly and allowed her to ease him gently against her where his head was resting on her lap.

As Jonas rested in Sam's lap, he let his mind begin to wander a little. He thought about the things Sam had said and the comfort he found in the way his friends were concerned about him. It occurred to him then that he was part of this family now, although Daniel Jackson would always be missed, and that he had found a home for himself despite everything. Within a few moments, Jonas closed his eyes and his breathing became deep and even as he slipped into a sound sleep for the first time since coming to Earth.

Sam snapped out of her own thoughts and looked down to the young Kelownan man sleeping in her lap and smiled a little. His breaths were steady and rhythmic and his expression was calm and peaceful. She reached out and began gently stroking his short hair, smiling again as he sighed deeply and settled further into her lap. After sitting with Jonas for a few more minutes, Sam stood up carefully and placed a pillow underneath his head, then placed the blanket over him. The young man stirred slightly, but he didn't wake.

"Sweet dreams, Jonas. You could use a good night's sleep." Sam whispered, bending to peck a small kiss on Jonas' forehead. Then she tiptoed out of the room and headed to the second guestroom where she prepared for bed and within ten minutes, fell asleep herself.


	3. Coming Into Your Own

Chapter 3: Coming Into Your Own

The next morning, Sam was the first to wake. As she opened her eyes to the sunlight streaming across her face through the shades, she decided that she would go downstairs into the kitchen and make some coffee. She knew that she would be able to do this because she had been to Jack's house enough times that she had a pretty good idea of where he kept things.

As she walked quietly down the hall, Sam decided to make a stop by the other bedroom and look in on Jonas before heading downstairs. Opening the door quietly, she peeked her head in the room and smiled at what she saw. Jonas was still sound asleep, his head snuggled deep into the pillow and the blanket wrapped around his body like a sort of cocoon, snoring softly. Closing the door back, Sam retreated into the hallway and headed quietly down the stairs into the kitchen.

Once Sam was at the bottom of the stairs, she paused to listen for signs that anyone else was awake. Peering around the corner into the living room, she saw Teal'c meditating on the couch and giggled quietly when she heard the thunderous, buzz saw type noises coming from the bedroom at the end of the hall, indicating that Jack was still asleep. Then she crept into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee and waited for the other three to awaken.

It didn't take long for the invigorating aroma of coffee to begin to waft through the house and start awakening its slumbering inhabitants. A few minutes later she heard Teal'c awaken and walk into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Major Carter. Did you sleep well?" Teal'c asked cheerfully, coming over to sit in one of the kitchen chairs.

"Yeah. I got up this morning and decided that I would come down here and make a pot of coffee for all of us. Judging from the number of empty beer bottles on the coffee table in the living room, I'd guess that the Colonel and Jonas are probably going to need some coffee when they finally wake up. I didn't disturb you, did I?"

"You did not."

"Morning, campers." Jack greeted, leaning in the kitchen doorway with a sleepy smile.

"Greetings, O'Neill." Teal'c smiled with a small nod of his head.

"Morning, sir. I made a pot of coffee. Would you like a cup?" Sam asked, smiling back at her friend.

"Yeah, that'd be great, Carter." Jack said as Sam handed him a hot cup of coffee. "Thank you."

"That should help you wake up a little and take care of any headache you may have from drinking last night."

"Do you ever get tired of being right?"

"Uh, no, sir. I don't think that will ever get old." Sam laughed, sticking her tongue out at her commanding officer playfully.

"Well, you two go on in the living room and relax. I'm going to get started making us something to eat for breakfast. I don't know about you but I'm hungry."

"Do you need any help, sir?"

"Nope. I'm taking care of this. You're my guests so I'm going to wait on you guys. Hey, wait a minute. We're missing a team member. Where's Jonas?" Jack asked, the fact that the young Kelownan man was missing suddenly occurring to him.

"He's still sleeping upstairs. I checked up on him before I came down and started the coffee. When I went to bed last night I heard him behind the door and knew he was still awake so I went to talk to him. He had a lot weighing on his mind that he's apparently been harboring since he arrived on Earth. He opened up to me and broke down. I comforted him the best I could and he wanted me to stay with him for a while and I sat with him until he finally fell asleep. I don't think he's had a decent night's sleep the entire month he's been here on Earth with us. He's physically and emotionally exhausted so I think we need to let him sleep for a while. If he hasn't come down by the time you finish making breakfast then I'll go up and wake him." Sam explained.

"That's a good idea to let him rest, Carter. Maybe he'll feel better when he wakes up. You go on in the living room with Teal'c and see what you can find on the television on a Saturday morning. I'll let you know when breakfast is almost ready." Jack said as Sam smiled at him and headed into the living room.

As he started digging through the refrigerator to find what he needed to make breakfast for them all, Jack realized that he understood in a way what Jonas was going through. He felt a wrenching pain in his heart as he thought about the times in the past when his team used to get together like this. But now things had drastically changed. Daniel was dead and the team dynamic was severed forever. Granted they did have a new team member, and Jonas was a kind and gentle man, but Jack knew in his heart that SG-1 was permanently broken. None of them would ever truly be the same again. As he finished making the meal, Jack promised himself that he was going to honor Daniel's memory by making Jonas feel as welcome among them as he could, just as he knew his friend would have done had he survived.

"Carter, Teal'c. breakfast is just about done. Someone needs to go bring Jonas back to the land of the living."

"Yes, sir. I'm on it."

Sam went back upstairs and stood outside the bedroom where Jonas was still sleeping. She opened the door and quietly approached the bed, looking down on the sleeping man. He looked so young and peaceful lying there wrapped in a blanket.

"It seems like a shame to have to wake him when he looks to be sleeping so soundly. But he does need to get some food in him. He'll thank me later." Sam thought as she knelt down the bed and gently shook Jonas' shoulder. "Jonas. You need to wake up now. Breakfast is waiting downstairs."

It took a minute but Jonas finally stirred and slowly opened his eyes, blinking up at Sam sleepily. After reorienting himself to his surroundings, he untangled himself from the blanket and sat up.

"Good morning, Sam." Jonas said sleepily.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well? You looked pretty comfortable just now." Sam asked, smiling as she sat on the bed beside her friend.

"Yeah, actually. I do feel better. I haven't slept that soundly in weeks. I guess opening up to you like I did last night really zoned me out a bit. I feel pretty rested though. Has anyone ever told you that you make a pretty good pillow?"

"No. I have to admit that's a new one on me. But I'm just glad I was able to help you get a good night's sleep. Come on, let's head downstairs with everyone else. The Colonel made breakfast for all of us. I made some coffee earlier too."

"Sounds great." Jonas smiled as he stood up and followed Sam down the stairs.

"Morning, guys." Jonas said brightly as he walked into the kitchen with Sam and sat down at the table.

"Well, look who finally decided to rejoin the land of the living. Morning, Jonas. I take it you got a good night's sleep. Between the two of us I think we drank enough beer last night to fill a bathtub. I wouldn't have offered you any if I'd known you were going to down it like that." Jack joked good naturedly as he offered Jonas a cup of hot coffee, which his friend accepted with a grin and a roll of his eyes.

"Actually, I do feel a lot better this morning, Colonel. I guess it's just that I haven't slept all that well since I've been here because I've had a lot building up in my heart and on my mind. But last night, after Sam helped me to let all that go, I got the best night's sleep that I've had in months."

"That's good. But I want you and Sam both to do me one favor. Please drop the formality when we're off duty. It wouldn't kill either of you to call me Jack when we aren't on base. I won't tell anyone that you weren't being professional all the time."

"I guess I can probably handle that. I didn't say this last night but thanks for including me in this little sleepover party, Jack. I haven't had this much fun in a long time. Sorry about storming out of the room last night, though." Jonas said, feeling slightly awkward calling his superior on a first name basis.

"That's perfectly understandable seeing that you had so much on your mind. We were just a little concerned about you because we noticed that you were unusually quiet. Also, it sounds more casual and relaxed for you to call me by my first name off duty. I prefer that actually. How about you, Carter. Is this a request you can grant?" Jack asked, looking in Sam's direction.

"Yeah, Jack. I think I can handle that. Funny, that does sound a little more natural. But I'll only do it if you call me Sam when we're off duty instead of Carter." Sam agreed with a condition of her own.

"Fair enough. It's a deal, Sam."

"Good."

"Now that we've gotten this little name game straightened out, what do you guys think about digging into this great smelling breakfast Jack made. I for one am starving."

"I concur, Jonas Quinn." Teal'c agreed, speaking for the first time in almost an hour.

As the team sat around Jack's kitchen table eating a large breakfast, Jonas took in the three people around him and realized how lucky he was. Jack, Sam, and Teal'c had opened their world and their hearts to him even after the horrific death of one of their own. They did everything in their power to make him feel welcome and at home here on Earth even when he felt like he didn't deserve such kindness. It was in that moment that Jonas realized that he had been accepted as part of a kind of family unit and maybe, just maybe, he'd found a new home after all.


End file.
